Last Night Could Have Been Bad

Last night has to stay embedded in memory.  It was a slippery slope that could have turned into an ugly long drop.  Things built up all day and by late night overload.  Mindless march to the frig time.  Something was saying cheese over and over again. Why cheese, who knows. Like a dairy product would make it all go away?  Everyones world would then be wonderful, wouldn't that be good (along with tasty).  Thank goodness there was only one slice left there.   With that munched on it all went to a weird mix of anger.  First because there was no more cheese (how old am I?) and then because I had gotten to munching and letting things get the better of me. The ending  piece that has to burn into the brain is the realization that I let emotions talk way to much in my head as I get older.   After thinking probably way to much about it, it seems frustration is the top of the list.

BBL (this will not be an other one of those days ;-) keep repeating )

OK it is not about cheese but thought it was funny.

Mumbling... remember last night, today like a mantra.  It is the not being able to change or let go of frustrating things.  The things that are not going anywhere but keep repeating.  Reread part of the YOAD book on emotional eating.  It is fine but not really on the target.  The food is a quick straight  in the vein fix. It is tasty and good right then and there, it is cheap and doable, not illegal.  Ok it does not last but sometimes something tasty right then  just seems to fight with the, you will be better off  down the road with out it. Making more frustration. With each frustration bump today thoughts of grab a candy bar, look Oberwise ice cream up the road or maybe a big sloppy pizza for dinner scream out.  Last night and the sore muscles from renewed workouts fight back, are you nuts.  Maybe.  

Oh Crap...

Have to admit this morning has been the first real binge eating since this YOAD started. Can not let things take me there. Thought it was all an old habit not to be seen again guess that it can hit even if you know better and you know something eaten will actually make you sick. It is all so mindless. Just eat to wipe out the fears and frustration, but it does not. Have to remember I can not feel crappy and be there for my son and he needs me there at the moment. The kitchen is off limits.

Also have to get timing in for exercise. Still numb but have to shake it off.

For Alex

Go Away Again Voices

The season has changed and so have the thoughts running through my head. It is back to an internal warring dialog of, It's cold ~ So what ~ I'm tired ~ It will give you energy ~ There is so much to do ~ It will all get done... back and forth on exercise. Those thoughts mixed with, MMM butter noodles ~ But you're not hungry ~ Then mashed potatoes ~ But you're not even hungry ~ Popcorn then ~ You're not listening ~ I think it is you that is not listening... nagging on about nibbling. For months this had stopped and there had been no struggle. Hopefully as winter sets in and things become the normal state this will end again. Truth is if the exercise gets in there is more energy and it helps to make you feel better. The nibble nag is not from hunger so it needs to go away, it is so annoying.

Oh well there is only about 3 or 4 months of it, HA.