Time flies

Somehow finding a voice again has to happen.  Hate falling into shut downs.

Things have gotten to a point (again) were life is just in get through it all mode, day after day.  At least this time the weight issue is not taking a hit.  Twenty pounds off this summer, and hoping it keeps rolling off.  It is what I am holding on to.  Just keep thinking tomorrow will bring that spunk back and then post, reply to others posts and be in the game all around.  Just does not seem to come.  Have to try and make it.  School started this week and with it came the OCD and anxiety in my son (full force).  Even with all the great changes he made over the summer and how well he was during it.  How can it be the same kid, how can it be changed?  Seeing it happen like someone flipped a switch was a very hard slap in the face.  I want the guy that was there all summer to walk through those doors.  Counseling did not help last year and he does not want to go back.  Wish it was his senior year instead of junior. I think he will be much happier in college.  

Still trying to find a different way to be with all the situations (son, dh mid life crisis and grandparents).  The present being is not working.  Thought as you get older you get wiser, it all seemed much easier in past years.  I seem to have less answers and feel less happy in this body.  Going off to the gym (the happiest place right now) and burn some of this off.   

    

You do not have to be the leader if you have the heart to come from behind. ~from the pool message board the other day (like to think or the purpose to keep at it) 

Rock out who you really are in your heart. ~from yoga journal (now to try and tap back into it)

Body fighting back tonight

Not sure what was going on tonight during the gym work out.  During the track bit the sweat started flowing, pretty much from the start and not like usual.  While working the weight machines the amount of weights which is what I have been currently using felt like I'd upped it by a lot.  Third sets were sadly cut shorter.  Still sweating more than usual.  Then on the bike the thighs (mostly the left) were cramping up.  I have never had this before.  As for the sweat this one is harder to tell because I usually sweat a lot here anyway.  Wish there was time to fit in the pool to try and feel better but we were at closing time.  Hope what ever it was passes and things go back to normal tomorrow.  Played hookie this morning and went for a two hour hike instead of the gym or pool.  Just needed to be out and have more of a meditative walking time.  It was beautiful weather, the heat came in later.   

My weight may be moving slowly but my son's having great results, oh to be sixteen (not really for a lot of things).  I am so proud of him, he set goals for the summer and really stuck to them.  Today before the gym we went to the sporting goods store, he had a list.  Besides the air soft pelts, soccer ball and golf Frisbee he needed some new cloths.  He has dropped three sizes.  It was the first time he was smiles and happy where he was.  He actually picked out shirts that are not black.  It was so good to see him feeling good about himself and not questioning if he was going to make it by the start of school.  We will still need to get the replacement pants but he is hoping to get more off.    He is my gym buddy and get in shape hero this summer.

And the was much rejoicing, well some

Had a different post in the works but today at the gym the scale finally dipped into the seemingly elusive 220s (hear the choir of angels). Last September was the last time those numbers came on the digital screen.  Almost a year of bouncing around the thirties and forties, irrational but when the scale stuck at 230 last week it felt like a sign.  Not a good one either!  If this two twenties sticks around (and I'm open to it still working down) for Sunday weigh in then the 50 pounds lost badge can come back.  Silly as it maybe, this makes it feel like something is really moving again not just fluctuating.  Fingers crossed (little voice inside rapidly repeating oh please oh please oh please), okay that sounds way to desperate.  

I have been asked to join a weight loss team at the gym that starts in September.  There is a contest that would run until the end of December.  Panic hit fast and hard!  Real thoughts of NO it is just going to disappoint everyone.  They would want good losses.  One guy says, the way you work out just watch what you eat and it is sure to move.   He has not read this blog has he.  I have really felt the answer was going to be a, thank you, you're really nice but well I suck at this.  I'll be cheering you all on though.  Starting to rethink it, there is still a little time.  It would be nice to join in, just do not want the thinking halfway through, can we vote her off or who's idea was it.