Saturday Fun

Woke up today with a bug, so much for missing all the germs this winter.  Not wanting to spread the joy around the gym I decided to get out and hike around instead.  It became so nice here today in the 30s and sunny, just could not pass it up.   It felt so good to be outside.  There were joggers, ice fishers and cross country skiers out also.  Each year think it would be nice to start cross country ski.  They looked like they were having fun.  Went off trail and hopping around in the snow for some pictures.   Tried getting some of the birds but they were to fast for me.

Morton Arboretum (love this place)

Herrick Lake Forest Perserve

Probably not as strong of a workout as the gym but it was good for the spirit.  

Since When...

do I have to force myself to eat?

Food Blah!  *Snap* Snap*Snap~ (goes that rubber band mentioned in past post)

Oh my goodness the governor is talking and talking and talking, again.  To bad he does not know how to keep it short, on subject and truthful.  Hope people outside of IL look further than his version of reality.   He is either full of crap and does not care or delusional.  I usually do not like to talk politics but he is adding to today's frustration.  

Had to stay home to try and deal with the big water damage of over two weeks ago.  Even after all the phone calls.  It is still wait for more return calls.  It is a mess and it does not seem to get anywhere.  Just keep thinking it will restart as soon as the snow and ice starts to melt again if we do not get somewhere.  

Another reason for being home was fear the school would be calling.  So far so good, fingers crossed.  My son has been sick and home for five days.  Today is the first day back though he is not 100%.  It is added with the fact he has anxiety/depression and OCD issues that have been really set off lately.  Last night at his therapy session they started him working on desensitizing to the OCD.  It is very stressful for him he has to do things that trigger the OCD.  I am to be his partner in it (therapist and son's choice not mine).  This is much worse for him but it is still hard for me.  It is a balancing act with reminding but not nagging, not punishing or fighting but being firm and when he keeps at me not pay attention she says (hardest bit).  Making those work is not always easy with a teenager.  

Oh the list goes on but even writing it feels like it is adding to the spiral so, snap again and move on from it.  Going to go and have lunch even though I'm not hungry.  Last meal was late lunch yesterday.  Guess it was better than mindless eating to drowned it all.  Maybe some hardcore cleaning will burn off the frustrations since I'm home.  Going to try it out after lunch.

Maybe a good time to try and put together that positive list Diana at Scale Junkie was talking about yesterday.

Snap * That Spark Back

 Finding the SPARK again is the plan for this week!

Not falling off the game plan but just not fired up at the moment, about anything.  Maybe it is this winter. Maybe that the house has been full of sickies that just do not seem to be able to get well.  What ever it is I need to find the spark to take things from just going through the paces and rev it up to that "what a day :-)! " kind of feeling.  Hoping just working at it will start the trend in the right direction.  Put a rubber band around my wrist and if things start to get negative or glazed dull it is time for a quick SNAP to be a reminder to snap out of it.  

This Sunday's weigh in had the yo yo was back at the lower end of the swing.  Today the scale is still holding there.  Going to try very hard to make this week the week the string breaks on that yo yo and the numbers keep going down.  

Off to the gym.

Back... 

track 15 min. (trying to speed walk), bosu core work (ouch), bike 20 min. (foot seems to get bugged around 15 - 20 min.), weight machines (whoa, muscles got weaker), treadmill 15 min. (walking w/3 incline), pool 30 min.  By the time I've gotten home things are already getting sore.  Better do some stretches tonight.

The message board at the end of the pool's lap lanes spoke again.  

Winners concentrate on winning,

Losers concentrate on just getting by.

No more just getting by, time to go for the gold.  

After the pool treated myself to the steam room.  Think it was the first time I've really felt warm in ages.  Oh it felt GOOD.

Let's Start the Weekend

Smiles are free...

so give them away.

Happy Friday!!! being sent out.

Which Way From Here

I have read and liked Joseph Campbell for a long time.  This quote had felt so true and in the past tried to follow it.  In recent years other things came up that needed the time and focus.  As situations are changing thoughts of bringing this back in seemed right.  Here is the stumbling block, finding the bliss lane again.  Tapping back into what it is.  Where did it go, which way?  Somewhere along the line it all became about others.  Got very good at that, reading myself, not so good anymore.  Do not seem to fit in my old paths.  Back at the start but where is square one?  Funny how you can lose yourself so deeply.  With the health issues I'd found a way to reconnect with the body.  Not always get it to do what I want but still hear it when it talks without having to have it scream at me.   Somehow have to find that with the heart and soul.  Maybe the numbers that I'm using to measure me (weight, measurements, size and age) will not be such an obsession if that connection is found again.  I do not want to lose track of the weight goal but I have to stop having it be the measure of my personal happiness and worth.   My mother was laughing (she not meaning to be mean) that the girl who was never getting married or having kids is the one who got herself into this place.  She does not understand because she thinks that things as they are would be fine.  For her they always were.  If this comes up she seems to find it an attack at her choices.  All I know is it is not working for me, not that it is right or wrong.  

Hey universe could you just show a vague outline on the wall :-) ? 

It's A Puzzlement

Ok, putting this out there. Sunday weigh in showed no change from the week before.  I had hoped for some loss since there had been a gain the week before. Dealt with it.  Started going back to the gym Sunday and yesterday, today the scale showed two more pounds up, a very sad new high.  Just do not get it and not sure what to do.  I really thought after all the foot up time from the surgery getting back to the gym would help not send it up.  I would love to say it is bloating but clothes and rings fit fine.  I know I have not built muscle mass that fast.  

Is there any one else working their program and not just stuck but fighting to keep from gaining?  This all worked great the first year, second year hit some stalls and now just not sure what is up.  Test shows thyroid medicine is working fine.  What to do?  

For now going to still eat clean, portion and workout.  The good thing with working out is it sure helps my mood and feels great.  The foot swells up but doctor said that is okay as long as it is not pushed to the point of hurting.  The twenty minute speed walk is about that point.  It felt so funny in the pool at first.  Three toes are still off  in their feeling from the nerve being cut.  Could not run in the water yet but was able to get most other things in.  

So want to get the numbers falling again.  Fingers crossed for this coming week!

Another Sunday

 This week has been this each day.

Sunday's weigh in is back at the high swing. So many thoughts that run the same up and down spectrum but coming all at once .  Going to get the morning moving and try and straighten them out.  

Giving This A Try

I like having a plan and when it is not working having something else to give a go.  The eating clean and portioned is great for a lot of reasons.  I love that I'm not hungry or craving things.   It helps immensely with internal workings.  Those make the top of on my list.  It just is not cutting it, for weight loss, without the exercise.  Went back to looking into some of my initial problems.  The gastrointestinal  doctor mentioned the start of insulin resistance back at the beginning of this road.  That had seemed to be gone but thinking the lack of raising the heart rate has started it back up.  Decided to go back and read up on it again. I found several sites that took it stricter than I have been doing, cutting out grains, sweeter veggies and fruits and starches.  This week I'm trying it out. When the heart raising exercise comes back into the plan then thinking the items can come back.   There was a good article in this month's OnFitness magazine about insulin resistance, The Enemy Within.  The article talks about the balance of foods and exercise.  It has a cycling schedule, it reminds me a little in theory of the rotation we did while doing Core at Weight Watchers a few years back.   I am going to hang on to it and try it out once that kind of exercise is back in the plan.    

Six Week Challenge (week two)

The scale showed no change.  I thought it would be that.  Yesterday morning had prompted me to weigh in early.  When I went to get dressed that morning had a very unwanted surprise.  The jeans would not fit, no way were they going on.  After a flood of feelings  (to say the least) decided to weigh and measure.  The scale (and it was checked and rechecked) was the same but the legs hips and much sat on backside are the problem.   Waist up things are the same.  Guess it is the stretchy yoga pants for now.  Not buying bigger size pants.  

Earlier in the week on Thursday I'd felt really good which was a mixed blessing.  Started doing more, twice one of the incisions started to bleed so have had to watch it.  Started to think why did I even start this challenge but I did so on it goes.  

My challenge for this coming week is to do as much as I can and try not resenting what is right now.  I'm doing better at that today, yesterday was a different story.

Good Start

Last night was the first most of the night sleeping in three weeks.  It was wonderful to wake up feeling rested and great.  A good start to the new year.  Wanted to get out of the house.  Would have loved to go for a hike, it was cold and breezy but sunny.  Settled for walking the mall while family did their returns.  Managed 20 minutes, not fast and definitely not pretty but it felt good limping around with my mismatched feet.  Came home and relaxed a bit got the guys feed and went to do the 6 week challenge upper body work on the reformer.  When it was done things were feeling worked but ok and thought maybe try to up the heat rate more.  Still cannot use the foot bar or rebounder but decided to try my old favorite (not) the one hundred.  Hurts so good, definitely showed I was out of practice.  Made me think of all the other things that are going to be coming back during 2009.  Last year may not have been what I wanted it to be but today is always a new possibility.